the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
