Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i think i just lost a toe
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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