and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
