I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
