well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
