Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
