i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
