all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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