So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
