people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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