I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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