We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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