Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
