you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
