Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
