Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
