I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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