I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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