We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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