Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
