We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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