i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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