Can i not drive my cunt home
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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