Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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