I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
