sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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