You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
we should paint friendship bongs
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