I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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