did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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