he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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