who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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