I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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