Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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