I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
