Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
