Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
