if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
