If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
