my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
