i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
