he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
