I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
