C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
