did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
