soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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