I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
