I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
