batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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