Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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