who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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