He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
