Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
