well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
