Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I need moral support for this bender
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
