I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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