his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
