Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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