this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
