I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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